Let it Go

The idea of staying friends with an ex sounds mature, even admirable. After all, if you once loved each other, why let that connection completely die? But what if staying friends is actually holding you back from healing? What if it’s keeping you tethered to a relationship that’s already ended?

The truth is, not all exes can—or should—be friends. Sometimes, what seems like a friendly arrangement is just an excuse to hold on, avoid loneliness, or keep one foot in the past. So how do you know if being friends with your ex is healthy or just prolonging the pain?

When Staying Friends Can Work

In rare cases, maintaining a friendship after a breakup can be healthy. If both people have genuinely moved on, if the breakup was mutual and respectful, and if there are no lingering romantic feelings, friendship might be possible. But these scenarios are the exception, not the rule.

A friendship can work if:

• You’ve both fully processed the breakup and don’t feel any emotional pull toward each other.
• There’s no hidden agenda—you’re not secretly hoping to get back together.
• Your new friendship adds to your life rather than keeping you stuck in the past.

When Staying Friends is a Bad Idea

For most people, trying to stay friends with an ex only creates more confusion and emotional turmoil. If there’s any part of you that still longs for them, staying in their life will only reopen wounds.

You should probably walk away if:

• Seeing them triggers pain, jealousy, or hope. If you find yourself analyzing their texts or wondering if they’ll come back, you’re not just being “friends.”
• They’re moving on and you’re struggling. Watching them date someone new while you’re still healing can be brutal.
• You’re avoiding the grief of the breakup. Staying connected might feel comforting, but it prevents you from truly letting go.
• They hurt you, and you’re minimizing it. If the relationship was toxic, staying friends only keeps that negativity in your life.

What to Do Instead of Staying Friends

If deep down you know that friendship isn’t what’s best for you, it’s time to prioritize yourself. Cutting contact—even if it’s hard—is often the healthiest choice. No Contact isn’t about punishing your ex; it’s about giving yourself the space to heal without their influence.

Instead of staying friends, focus on:

• Rebuilding your sense of self outside of the relationship.
• Creating new routines that don’t include them.
• Surrounding yourself with people who uplift you.
• Processing your emotions instead of numbing them with casual check-ins.

Friendship should feel light and effortless—not like an emotional tug-of-war. If staying friends feels like it’s keeping you stuck, the best thing you can do is step away and fully embrace your healing. Let it Go is here to help you through the process.